Gluten Free: Make Your Mess Your Message

I was watching Robin Roberts last Friday night on 20/20 talk about her fight against MDS - Myelodysplastic Syndrome. The special was called, "Robin's Journey".



I love Robin. She is always so uplifting and positive about life...even when threatened with life threatening illnesses from breast cancer to MDS ......She is a fighter.  And an added bonus for me is that Robin is from my neck of the woods.  I grew up watching her big sister, Sally, on the New Orleans news, and I have been watching Robin on GMA for years.  

 

I am proud of her, I am inspired by her and in some ways I can identify with her... and just feel "happy when I get to spend the morning with her" while we are getting ready to walk out the door to start our day. I am so I  glad she is back on her feet. 



Right from the beginning of  the special I felt a somewhat familiar stir deep within me, as Robin shared with us her will to keep going and why she had such a strong need to share and fight. 


 "My beloved Mother always told her four children: Make Your Mess Your Message". 

 

 

What a powerful statement. 

 

 

How many times have we  all felt that stirring within us, to share what we have learned, that deep need to help others,  but we walked away?

 

 

 

I know I have. 

 

 

My first time I was young and when I had healed, I had felt a great need to help others.  I made it through a life threatening situation. One in which I did not understand Why this had happened to me, but in the end learned that it had created who I had become as a young woman.  Someone stronger, braver and willing to stand up for myself and others more than I ever had dreamed I could.



There have been a few times in my life that I have shared my life altering experience with others to help them get through, but never in the capacity that I at times felt like I should have. 

 

 

That First Time

 

 

I learned early on that sometimes even when you think you can't go on, you really can. When you make it past that troubling moment, you can emerge a stronger, wiser person. It is hard sometimes to think that pain and misery and evil can transform you for the better, but it is more often than not true.

 

I was a Senior in high school. It was a Thursday night. I had watched Knots Landing and the news before going to bed that night. Strange how when you experience trauma you are able to recall every second, every moment of everything that happens around that moment.
 

I went to sleep.

 

I woke up sitting up on my bed. I was groggy. I was dreaming wasn't I? I was having a nightmare. I couldn't get out of it. What was wrong? I could always come out of nightmares when I decided I had had enough. I would wake up, heart racing, in my bed, my dark room with some shadows playing tricks on me, but I was awake and whatever had spooked me ... falling, being chased, etc. was gone. It was over....
 

But this time it was not working. I was sitting up on my bed and there was a man sitting behind me, with a gloved hand squeezed tightly over my mouth. I tried to wake again and he still stayed right where he was, squeezing even harder across my mouth. I tried to pull his hair, it was straight, and he was about my height. I was not dreaming. He pushed even harder and then the world went black.

 

I don't know how much time went by ... maybe seconds, but the next thing I remembered was my father picking me up off the floor of my room. He was asking me what had happened. I was groggy. I was confused. I was in another world. I could not answer.

 

He began walking me to the hallway and I could hear my mother talking frantically to someone on the phone. Who was she talking to? What had happened? Was the world coming to an end? I was so out of it and well, completely brain fogged. I later found out this was due to ether being on the glove. My mother could smell it, I could smell it. I smelled it for days. It was in my lungs, seeping almost from my body.

 

Then my father asked me "Was someone in your room?"
 

The Dream became real once again. I remembered it clearly now. And I began screaming. And I began crying.

 

Someone had been in my room.  Why? Why? I remember vividly asking my father this as I crumpled to the ground.

 

Things happened quickly after that moment. The police came and searched everywhere, took pictures of me and questioned my father.  It was mainly a blur other than vividly remembering my picture being taken.  A well formed bruise in the shape of a hand went from one side of my jaw to the other.  I have no idea where my younger brother was during this time. It was all about me. He was there, someone hopefully was reassuring him. I really didn't know, because it was all about me.
 

 

I spent the night with my best friend that next night. I remember us going to The Movie store to rent a movie.  I felt like the world was watching me. I felt jittery, jumpy, scared of every man that moved around me. I had a boyfriend at the time, and honestly I think that if I had not I would not have built any trust up for the male population for some time. I cried and talked about my situation to him daily for a long time.  I don't know how he put up with it, but he did.

 

I never sought counseling. My mother took me to our pediatrician that next day. He and everyone looked at me with those "I feel So Sorry for her eyes". All it did was harden me. I did not want someone counseling me and telling me how to feel or what to do.  I did not want anyone feeling sorry for me.  It was my situation and how would any of them comprehend at all what I was going through?  In hind sight I know I was one very angry and  very stubborn teen and it really would have helped me if I had talked to someone.

That next Monday I returned to school.  I knew everyone was watching me. Friends questioned me. My Psychology teacher asked me if I needed to talk.  I said No, I was fine. She looked at me with those same eyes the Pediatric staff had looked at me with on Friday. They all knew I was not fine, but left me alone as I did not want many in.

 

Instead of seeking adult face to face help,  I turned to reading. I have always been an avid reader, but not to the extent I was that first year.  I would initially go to sleep while everyone was awake and when I woke and the house was still and quiet, I would lock myself in my windowless bathroom with Leo Buscaglia (my Mother's books), a blanket and my pillow.  I would read for hours. Leo really was my savior during this time. He was my company in the room where no one could harm me and taught me things that I never may have learned otherwise.

One of my favorite Leo books is Living, Loving and Learning.  In it Leo helped me learn to love others again, learn to realize that it was not my fault and I began to forgive the person that hurt me. I realized that person had to live with themselves for the rest of their life. I got over what they Took from Me and started cherishing what I had gained.


To this day I don't know who it was who came through my window, but I have forgiven and I hope to God no other girl's life was changed as mine was, even though in the end I became a stronger person, it was a tough road. I would never wish it on anyone.

 

I read every one of Leo's books that year. I devoured them and sometimes read them more than once.  And then I turned to another one, The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck.  This book too was a life changer for me and I read it over and over again and also highlighted and underlined quote after quote, searing them into my brain, healing my thoughts and my world. 

 

 

 

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” 
M.Scott Peck

 

 

 

 

I made it through 7 months living in my home and often sleeping in the room I had come to hate, but I made it through.  I had good days and bad days. I thought about it every moment of the day. I felt like at times I was living in hell, but I kept going and I kept reading.

 

 

After that time I went off to college and lived in a dorm with one of my best friends. I walked cautiously around campus, I rarely took a night class and my confidence  or my Stubbornness was in a place where it had never been my entire life. At night I slept in spurts. I hated having to get up in the middle of the night and walk down the cold, eerie hall to the bathrooms. I prayed that no one was lurking in the shower stall to grab me and finish the job. Nighttime was always and sometimes still is difficult. 


But, I held my head high, I spoke loudly and clearly when I wanted to, no one walked over me anymore and I decided to major in Art Education. My Art had become another form of therapy for me and Leo Buscaglia had pulled strongly at me when I had read about his teaching experiences. I easily went from graphic design to wanting to teach art.  I wanted to reach people and art was therapeutic. I wanted to help mold children's lives for the better.  It became my passion, so I guess in many ways I silently did "Make My Mess My Message" I just didn't do it in the way I sometimes felt I should have .... through some sort of support group.

 

 

 

A few years later I put my foot down .... I was never really allowed to go to concerts growing up, but around 1987 there was a sort of concert, not of the Journey variety,  but one that  I insisted I was going to and my parents saw the benefits.  Leo Buscaglia was coming to New Orleans and I was going.  I went with my mother and two of my closest friends. I laughed, I cried, I nodded my head in agreement throughout that entire lecture and in the end we all stood in the long line so I could hug him.  The three of us gave him a huge "Grug" a Group Hug.  That was enough of a Thank You from me to him.  He hugged me back. He hugged me through a year of hell and in the end I came out a Lover and I will be eternally grateful for the lessons he taught me. 

 

 

 

Leo Buscaglia reached people on an enormous level ~ through his words, his love, his forgiveness and his hugs.  What a Message.

 

 

 

Over the years I cherished my education, I fell in love with a wonderful man, I educated little ones and older ones and soaked up the beautiful art they created, I became a mother, I became a speech therapist and have cherished every time I have helped a little one or an adult gain the beauty of the spoken word, whether it was verbally or through a device.  

 

 

I have lived life, I have loved and I made it through and I forgave.   And that first experience truly paved my way to who I have become.

 

 

 

“If we know exactly where we're going, exactly how to get there, and exactly what we'll see along the way, we won't learn anything. ” 
M. Scott Peck

 

 

 

The Second Time Around

The second time I was faced with a life changing, horrendous challenge, I trudged through. 

This time it was not a Man harming me.  This time it was Gluten.  Equally evil, equally trying, equally dark.  It pulled me down and at times I did not think I could get back up.  


But I remember having a talk with myself.   You've done this before, this is familiar ... you will do it again.  



I had to remind myself I had been through Hell before, it was familiar and I clearly had made it through and with faith and that Wonderful Stubbornness of mine ....  I would do it again. 

In the midst of it all ~
Finding my way ~ Not giving up
 

This time I knew it was not a dream.  This time I wanted it to be a dream.


This time I sought help from professionals.  And this time I was not helped.


I was being shot down by some doctors, I was told it was all in my head, I was fine, there was nothing wrong with me.  I knew they were wrong and I even started bringing my husband as back up but I kept getting the more of the same.

I didn't give up, I kept going and I found the answers, most on my own and the majority of it was through reading.  Reading everything you all stated on message boards, on blogs and web pages. 


You all have been my Leo and my M Scott. 


 And eventually I came out once again on the other side, and when I did, I felt that strong pull that I once had felt but ignored .....   to "Make My Mess My Message''.
 

 

I know it is exactly that same desire that brought you all to the same places I frequently visit and chat on: Your blogs, Message Boards, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Whether you do it on a small level or huge level, you all have chosen to make your mess your message and it is helping someone.
 
 

I am so grateful that I decided to reach out to share, to bond and to learn. I have learned so much over the past 2 years from you all, made some wonderful online friends, and have even gotten to meet a couple of you face to face. You all have become a part of my extended family

 

and I am equally grateful that you all decided to also just go for it ..... Gluten became Our Mess and We  Decided To Make It Our Message.

We may not all have the same impact. We may reach just one person, but for that one person you made a difference in their lives.

 

And as a group we are reaching an even larger audience.


Together we have an Enormous Message.   

It is what we were meant to do. It is what was intended of us.

 

Keep on sharing, chatting, blogging, creating awesome recipes and sharing them, instagramming, pinning on Pinterest, having online meetings as well as in person meetings and support groups, Expos, etc. and fighting the government to have accurate labeling and testing for gluten free items.


 

 

“There are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our encouragement, who will need our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give.” 

Leo Buscaglia

 

 

“How strange that we should ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded! Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weaknesses to our fellow creatures. It also requires the ability to be affected by the wounds of others... But even more important is the love that arises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness.” 
M. Scott Peck

 

 

 

“It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. ” 
M. Scott Peck

 

 

 

 

 We are each of us angels with only one wing
and we can only fly embracing one another.
Luciano De Crescenzo